Where were you when Cinderella ate your daughter?  I am tired of parents whining about the evils of this world least of all the media.  I agree that media is an insidious monster.  But, nothing in this world overcomes invested parents.

I had problems conceiving because I didn’t want to have children until I was ready.  What does this mean?  I wasn’t naïve enough to think that children would not take an enormous amount of concessions; I refuse to call them sacrifices because I waited until they would not feel as such, I knew I had to be mentally and emotionally prepared.

I gave up being a researcher, an exciting and much better paying job than the one I have, to take a job which would allow me to spend time at home, I work between 20 and 25 hours a week.  My husband works longer hours so we can keep our middle class lifestyle.  However, we gave up a fancy home for a more modest spread so we could have a pool, a large yard, there would be lessons (dance, riding, gymnastics, piano, etc.), private school and traveling.  The girls and I have a nice Kia Sedona for our use but my poor husband has a twenty-year-old car and will have to keep it for another year.  And, yes, people joke about our “child centered” approach often remarking that we “sacrifice too much!”  But, we feel that guiding our children in life quest to become functioning adults is a precious gift.

We monitor what they see on TV very carefully and for how long they get to watch it.  They are only allowed to associate with children whose parents are active participants in their lives.  We make tough choices, keeping them away from single parent homes, to the detriment of personal friendships.  It may seem absurd but primary socialization is imperative to who they will be as adults, and we want our children to have a strong moral compass.  And, always, we help them process exposure to the world and its influences such as the princess phase!

Our twins are fully into everything princess.  We do not discourage this wonderful, imaginative, creative, fanciful, phase of their lives.  However, we divert their attention from the passivity in the classic tales, e.g. Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, by exposing them to the subsequent titles such as the Disney Princess Stories DVD series in which the princesses are active participants in their lives.  We encourage also a focus for their fondness of the independent princesses who find themselves in interdependent relationships, e.g. Mulan and Rapunzel.  My daughters are not in any danger of being eaten by Cinderella or any other representation of femininity or womanhood because we, their parents, are present in their lives.

It takes time.  It takes work.  It’s not always easy.  It’s parenting…  Immensely gratifying.

Barbie can be a positive role model for girls if, like almost anything else, parents are involved in the play processes.  There is no question that Barbie has adapted both physically and socially as she transitioned from purely using her sexuality to self empower, see Bild Lili doll, to whatever she wants to be, “I can be” Barbie line.  In the end, it is not the social image of Barbie with which children play with but gender ideas to which their primary socialization agents introduce them.

I had decided to wait until the girls’ turned five to introduce them to Barbie.  However, my sister gifted them the “Toy Story” Barbie, which lay ignored for nearly a year, on the girls’ third birthday.  Jessie, from the same movie, was far more interesting until three months ago, they are now 4 and a half, upon which one of my daughters announced, “Jessie is just a cowgirl.  Barbie can be anything!”  She proceeded to turn Barbie into an astronaut.  I knew at that moment that the Barbie phenomena had entered our home.

This Christmas our girls received their first Barbie house, a KidKraft Deluxe Play Around Girls Dollhouse, and have already enjoyed hours of play.  Sitting to do my work, whether for school or enjoyment, in a small corner of our finished basement, which is dominated by my girls’ toys,  I always pay attention to the girls’ games to gauge where they stand both socially and emotionally.  So far, Barbie is a reflection of me, i.e., a bossy, pushy, self-assured, form of femininity.  Their Barbie play, hardly a surprise given their age, centers around the family in which the biggest trauma is getting a “time out.”  Even while my daughters enjoy their play, they see the limitations, as one of them asked, “Where is Barbie’s office?”

I am working on helping them expand their horizons.  I have taken the basic structure of the dollhouse and had our handyman build an office building for us.  I will be painting it and creating the furniture.  In this new structure I will be populating six different spaces: mechanics garage, veterinary clinic, dance studio, restaurant, doctor’s office, and dentist office.  The world is their oyster; it’s up to them what they make out of it.